I am so tired of not having my thesis done.
Do I have anybody to blame but myself? No.
Should I be working on it now instead of writing for you kind-hearted, good-looking folks? Probably.
Is it going to get done very soon? Of course.
Am I going to nonetheless turn this situation into some semblance of thoughtful reflection for the benefit of you, the reader? You bet.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how my thesis was almost done and how the brink of achievement is a precarious place. My thesis is still almost done, and it’s even closer to being done than it was two weeks ago. It’s just not as done as I’d like it to be.
“So, stop whining and go finish it!”
You are absolutely right, sir or madam. In fact, the more my thesis remains in a perpetual state of “almost done”, the more I realize a very important point:
Everything depends on my finishing this thesis.
I’m not just talking about the obvious here. My degree and GPA and academic career hang in the balance, of course. But even more critical is the fact that my life cannot move forward until this thing is done.
A human being only has so much time and attention. Time, with which to do things, and attention, with which to choose what those things are. A human being’s mind only has so much room with which to think about these things.
As I’ve written before, my time and attention is divided between writing my thesis, writing QLE, teaching karate classes, eating, and — occasionally, as of late — exercising. This arrangement frustrates me because the presence of the thesis as one piece of my life’s pie makes it difficult to pay attention to the other pieces without feeling guilty about how I’m not paying attention to the priority piece.
Every couple of weeks, I get inspired about fitness and decide to completely rethink my workout routine. I just had one of these episodes the other day and proceeded to plan out an entire schedule of what kind of exercise I would do each week, including karate, lifting, sprints, and yoga. I even wrote it all down. But, as I marveled over the schematics of my new regimen, I realized that none of it is going to happen…
Until I finish my freaking thesis.
As long as this academic beast is prowling back and forth in the cage behind my cerebellum, I will never be free. I will not have the available time or attention necessary to implement a new workout regimen, or read a new novel, or start a new project, or do anything of consequence, until my thesis is done.
And so, done it shall be. And once it has been done, once that large, imposing piece of mental pie has been consumed, it will release its grasp on my time and attention, and open up a new world of sweet freedom and endless possibilities. And, at long last, my life will go on.
If only I liked pie…
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